The last quarter…

They advise no major changes in the first year after the loss of a spouse. Every widow’s calendar is different but our years all begin with the date of our better half’s death. No major changes makes some sense to me…definitely not in the first three months (1st qtr).

My 1st qtr found me severely depressed, isolated and traumatized. I reverted back to behaviors I haven’t exhibited since my adolescence. I learned A LOT about myself and continued to into my 2nd qtr.

My 2nd qtr was an awkward balancing act of maintaining my sense of self and purpose, implementing boundaries and learning how to keep myself calm throughout this stormy existence. I stumbled continuously and throughout my sisters kept lifting me up. ♡

I’m a month into my last quarter and things are starting to align in ways that both scare and excite me. I feel like I’m close to something but skeptical of my tendencies towards creative thinking and fantasy. All I know is this calendar of firsts without is pretty awful to exist through and the thought of it coming to an end is even worse!!! It’s like I’m drifting further away from him and I can’t do anything to stop it…the world just keeps whipping me around.